When people hear the words family mediation, they often assume it involves two people sitting together in the same room trying to reach an agreement.
But what if there has been domestic abuse?
Can mediation still work, or is court the only option?
The answer isn’t always straightforward. Every family’s circumstances are different, and the safety and wellbeing of everyone involved will always come first. In some cases, mediation may not be appropriate. In others, it may be possible with the right safeguards in place, following a careful assessment by an accredited family mediator.
Is Mediation Always Suitable After Domestic Abuse?
No.
Family mediation is not suitable for every situation, particularly where there are ongoing safety concerns, intimidation, coercive or controlling behaviour, or where one person cannot negotiate freely.
Before mediation begins, each person attends a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM). During this private meeting, the mediator will assess whether mediation is safe and appropriate. They will also consider whether there are any risks to either party or to any children involved.
If mediation is deemed unsuitable, the mediator will explain the alternatives and next steps.
What Counts as Domestic Abuse?
Domestic abuse isn’t limited to physical violence.
It can also include:
- Controlling or coercive behaviour
- Emotional or psychological abuse
- Financial or economic abuse
- Threatening or intimidating behaviour
- Sexual abuse
- Harassment or stalking
Abuse can happen during a relationship or continue after separation. Recognising these behaviours is an important part of deciding whether mediation is appropriate.
How Does a Mediator Decide?
Every case is assessed individually.
During separate MIAM appointments, the mediator will discuss:
- your concerns about safety
- the history of your relationship
- whether you feel able to speak freely
- whether there are court orders or police involvement
- whether there are any safeguarding concerns for children
The mediator’s role is not to persuade people into mediation but to decide whether it can take place safely and fairly.
Can Mediation Take Place Without Meeting Face-to-Face?
Yes, sometimes.
Where appropriate, mediation can often be adapted to reduce direct contact.
This may include:
- Shuttle mediation, where each person remains in a separate room (or separate online meeting) and the mediator moves between them.
- Online mediation, where participants join remotely from different locations.
- Staggered arrival and departure times for in-person appointments.
These arrangements may help some families, but they will only be used if the mediator believes they are appropriate and safe.
When Might Mediation Not Be Appropriate?
Mediation may not be suitable where:
- someone feels frightened or intimidated
- there is ongoing coercive or controlling behaviour
- there is a significant imbalance of power
- there are serious safeguarding concerns
- one person cannot participate freely or safely
If mediation is not appropriate, the mediator will explain why and discuss other options that may be available.
Do I Have to Attend Mediation?
Not always.
In England and Wales, people applying to court for many family matters are usually expected to attend a MIAM first.
However, there are recognised exemptions, including where there is qualifying evidence of domestic abuse. The mediator can explain whether an exemption may apply in your circumstances.
Even if an exemption applies, some people still choose to attend a MIAM to receive information about their options before deciding what to do next.
How Can National Mediation Helpline Help?
At National Mediation Helpline, we understand that every family’s circumstances are unique.
If you contact us, we’ll arrange an individual conversation with one of our accredited mediators. During your MIAM, we’ll:
- listen to your concerns in confidence
- assess whether mediation is appropriate
- explain how the process works
- discuss any safety considerations
- provide you with information as to what is available for you
If mediation isn’t appropriate, we will say so in unambiguous terms.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I attend a MIAM on my own?
Yes. MIAMs are individual meetings, so you’ll speak with the mediator privately before any decision is made about mediation.
What if I don’t feel safe?
Tell the mediator as early as possible. Your safety is always the priority, and mediation will only proceed if it is considered safe and appropriate.
Does domestic abuse automatically mean mediation can’t happen?
Not necessarily. Some people may be able to take part in mediation with appropriate safeguards, while others may not. Each case is assessed individually.
Can we use online or shuttle mediation?
In some cases, yes. These arrangements may be considered where appropriate, but only after a full assessment of the circumstances.
What if mediation isn’t suitable?
If mediation isn’t appropriate, the mediator will explain your options and, where relevant, discuss the next steps if you wish to make a court application.
Speak to National Mediation Helpline
If you’re unsure whether mediation is possible after domestic abuse, you don’t have to make that decision on your own.
Our experienced mediators will listen without judgment, assess your individual circumstances and explain your options clearly, always putting safety first.
Contact National Mediation Helpline today to arrange a confidential MIAM and find out the most appropriate way forward for you and your family.
